And you don’t want to lose that feeling.
That’s the truth for most of us, whether we want to admit it or not. It is a truth that has replayed itself at different moments throughout my life, wearing different faces and names each time. And once you see it, once the realization hits, you cannot unsee it. It changes the way you look at people, connections, and even yourself.
The hard pill to swallow is this: some people do not actually like you. They like how you make them feel in the moment. They like the comfort, the validation, the distraction, the excitement, the ego boost. They like what you provide emotionally, mentally, or physically. And that can show up anywhere. Romantic relationships. Friendships. Family dynamics. Situationships. Work connections. I could go on forever.
What makes this more complicated is that I truly believe many people are not doing this intentionally. It is not always malicious. It is often unconscious. It is learned behavior, survival mode, attachment wounds, or unresolved trauma playing out quietly. Still, unintentional does not mean harmless. Impact matters, especially when another person is involved and moving with genuine intention.
So let’s say we are on the same page with this thought. I would even argue that some people believe they are in love when in reality they are in lust, infatuation, or emotional dependency. They confuse intensity with intimacy. They confuse feeling good with truly caring. Their brains send them delusional signals, and instead of slowing down to consider the thoughts, feelings, and emotional safety of the other person, they ride the high.
At its core, this is an unconscious selfish act. And whether we like it or not, selfishness holds power. Power over the pace of relationships. Power over emotions. Power over vulnerability. If you want control over these situations, or at the very least clarity, you have to be able to recognize the signs.
So here are five signs that someone does not actually like you and only likes how you make them feel. Bear with me. It is a fresh thought, but a necessary one.
- They constantly tell you how great you are to them, how much you make them feel alive, safe, seen, or understood, and how they would rather spend time with you even if it derails their own responsibilities, relationships, or life structure.
At first, this feels flattering. It feels intense. It feels like connection. Time, attention, and kind words can fill emotional holes very quickly. But this is where things get scary. When someone attaches to how you make them feel instead of who you actually are, they move fast and recklessly. I do not think this is always intentional. I think it is often tied to emotional wounds and unmet needs. The danger is that this intensity can come off as love when it is really desperation wearing a pretty outfit. If you know, you know.
- When you are with them, you feel like the main character, but only you.
There is nothing wrong with feeling special in someone’s presence. That is part of connection. But if the dynamic feels one sided in terms of emotional spotlight, pay attention. If you feel constantly centered, adored, and elevated while their inner world remains unexplored or irrelevant, that is not balance. In healthy connections, both people feel like main characters in each other’s lives, not props in someone else’s emotional storyline. When that balance is missing, it is often about the feeling, not the person.
- You are excluded from their outer world.
You are everything to them in private, but oddly invisible in public. You are not invited into their broader life. Friends, events, family, and conversations outside of the two of you remain separate. You are hidden, not integrated. This disconnect is telling. Someone who genuinely likes you wants you to exist in their real world, not just the emotional bubble you create for them.
- You are in a relationship, but something feels off.
This one does not need a long explanation because the signs are usually loud once you stop ignoring them. The relationship feels transactional. Your needs feel secondary. You feel more like an emotional resource than a partner. If you take a step back and look at the relationship from a different lens, without excuses or romanticizing, the truth becomes clearer. What you do with that truth is entirely up to you.
- They struggle to show up for you when you are not at your best.
This is the final and perhaps most important sign. When the energy shifts, when you are tired, struggling, emotional, or no longer providing that same feel good experience, they pull back. Their interest fades. Their effort drops. Because the connection was never about you as a whole person. It was about how you made them feel when things were light, easy, and fulfilling for them.
The truth is, being liked for how you make someone feel is not the same as being liked for who you are. One is conditional. The other is intentional. And once you learn to see the difference, you gain something powerful. Clarity. Boundaries. Emotional self respect. You stop mistaking intensity for depth. You stop confusing attention with care. And you start choosing connections that feel mutual, grounded, and real.
Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay. Some are only there to experience a feeling. The key is learning when to let them go before you lose yourself trying to be that feeling for them.
Hope this helps,
-B
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