I’ve noticed something about people…myself included. We love ideas. Ideas are limitless. They don’t come with weight, they don’t ask us for anything, they just exist as possibilities. The “idea” of someone works the same way. From a distance, we admire. We project. We create this perfect version of who we think someone is. But then comes the boundary, the line that separates the idea from the reality. That’s usually where people start backing up.
I’ve lived this over and over again. At first, people are drawn in by the creativity, by the ambition, by the way I pour myself into my work and the spaces I create. They love the passion, they love the vibe, they love how much I give and how I look 😑. But eventually, we hit that point. The point where giving meets guarding. And suddenly, the very thing that made them admire you becomes the thing that frustrates them.
Let me tell you a story.
A while back, I had someone approach me with what sounded like a great collaboration. They loved what I was doing. They loved the community I was building. They loved the “idea” of working with me. But as we got into the details, I started laying down boundaries. Things like:
- We can collaborate, but I won’t compromise the integrity of my space.
- We can share resources, but it has to be a two way street.
- We can build something together, but I’m not signing up to carry all the weight.
That’s when the energy shifted. Suddenly, I wasn’t the Goat, the inspiring, visionary Brandon anymore. I was “difficult.” I was “secretive.” I was “not as easy as they thought.” And that’s the thing… people loved the idea of me. But the reality, which includes limits, boundaries, and self-respect, was less appealing.
And you know what? That’s fine…
Because here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way: boundaries are the proof that you value yourself. Without them, people will run right through you, not out of malice but out of convenience. Most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it when we’re on the other side. We’re just following what’s easy. But what’s easy for them can be draining for you.
Think about relationships. How many times have you seen this play out? Someone loves the idea of dating you…the charm, the laughs, the adventures, the way you make them feel seen. But the moment you say, “I need communication,” or “I won’t tolerate disrespect,” suddenly, it’s too much. They loved the highlight reel of you, but not the full movie. I could go on and on…
I’ve been guilty of this too. I’ve loved the idea of people without fully considering what it means to respect their limits. That’s part of growth, realizing we can’t just love what someone gives us, we have to honor what they won’t give us too “with understanding and not energy shifts”
At this point in my life, I see boundaries as filters. They reveal who really values you versus who only values what you provide. When you start enforcing them, some people will leave. That used to bother me. I’d wonder if I was pushing people away. But now I see it differently. Boundaries don’t push the wrong people away…they simply highlight who was never there for you in the first place.
So here’s where I’ll leave it: if you’ve felt this before, you’re not alone. People will always love the idea of you. That’s easy. But the ones who stay after meeting your boundaries? Those are the ones who truly love you.
And isn’t that better than being someone’s idea?
Because these days, everyone’s performing trying to get the perfect take of life… those are the ones who have to constantly be reminded, perfect doesn’t exist.
Hope this helps,
-B
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