You Don’t Find Yourself, You Build Yourself

Let’s talk about one of those phrases that completely flips your perspective when you really sit with it. “You don’t find yourself, you build yourself.”

We’ve all heard people say they’re “trying to find themselves.” I used to say it too. It sounds poetic, right? Like somewhere out there, in some distant place or quiet corner, the “real you” is waiting to be discovered. But the truth is, you’re not lost. You’re just unfinished.

And that’s not a bad thing.

I’ve been on a journey, actually, more than a few if I’m being honest. At this point, I might qualify for some kind of frequent traveler program for self-discovery. But the one I’m talking about today is the process of unlearning.

Undoing the words, the beliefs, and the limits we’ve been taught to carry. The kind of conditioning that quietly makes you believe your identity is something you stumble upon instead of something you create.

I remember a few years back, sitting in my studio late one night after a project fell through. I was frustrated, not just about losing the job, but because I realized how much of my worth I had tied to outcomes. I kept asking myself what was next, who I was supposed to be now, and if I’d somehow lost my way.

But that night, I picked up my notebook and started writing out what I wanted to be known for, what I wanted to create, and what kind of life I wanted to live. That was the night I realized I wasn’t lost at all, I was under construction.

That moment taught me something powerful. You don’t trip and fall into your best self, you build it.

Every decision, every risk, every setback, every uncomfortable conversation, it’s all part of the construction process. And if you think about it, that’s empowering. Because if you can build yourself, that means you also have the power to rebuild yourself, as many times as necessary.

There’s real hope in that. Hope for change, growth, and reflection. But you have to be willing to do the inner work.

You get to choose the materials. You get to design the blueprint. You get to tear down what no longer serves the structure you’re trying to create.

And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, unlearning what kept me small, breaking free from ideas like “realistic,” “safe,” or “enough.” Those words sound harmless until you realize they’ve been holding the pen while you’ve been trying to write your own story.

So if you’re somewhere in the middle of your own construction zone right now, surrounded by blueprints, debris, and doubt, just remember, you’re not lost. You’re building.

And brick by brick, it’s going to make sense.

If you’re ready to start rebuilding and get back on track with your vision and goals for the next 6 months to a year. I’d love to help guide that process with you. Book a Creative Direction Session with me and let’s work on the blueprint together to build something that truly reflects who you are and where you’re going.

Hope this helps,

– B